MILAN,Italy (Chiesa): This
following exchange is excerpted from an article entitled "The
Pope Finds the Good Wine in Milan". The spontaneous exchange
took place while Pope Benedict XVI was at the Seventh World
Meeting of Families where over 1,000,000 of the faithful
gathered in Milan:
Q:
Hi, pope! I am Cat Tien, I come from Vietnam. I am seven years
old and I would like to introduce my family to you. This is my
dad, Dan, and my mom's name is Tao, and this is my little
brother Binh. I would really like to know something about your
family and about when you were little like me...
A: Thank you, dearest, and your parents: thank
you from my heart. So then, you have asked what my memories of
my family are like: there are so many! I would like to say just
a few things. For us, the essential point for the family was
always Sunday, but Sunday already began on Saturday evening. Our
father would read us the readings, the readings for Sunday, from
a book very widespread in Germany at the time, in which the
texts were also explained. That is how Sunday began: we were
already entering into the liturgy, in an atmosphere of joy.
The next day we would go to Mass. I come from a
home close to Salzburg, so we had a lot of music - Mozart,
Schubert, Haydn - and when the Kyrie started, it was like heaven
was opened.
And then at
home it was important, of course, to have a big lunch together.
And then we sang a lot: my brother is a great musician, already
as a boy he made compositions for all of us, so the whole family
would sing. Dad would play the zither and sing; those are
unforgettable moments.
Then, of course, we went on trips and walks together; we were
close to a forest and so walking in the forest was a very
beautiful thing: adventures, games, etcetera.
In a word, we were of one heart and one soul,
with so many shared experiences, even in very difficult times,
because there was wartime, before the dictatorship, and then
poverty. But this mutual love among us, this joy even over
simple things was strong, and this made it possible to overcome
and bear even these things.
It seems to me that this was very important: that
even little things gave joy, because in this way the heart of
the other was expressed. And in this way we grew up in the
certainty that it is good to be a man, because we saw that the
goodness of God was reflected in parents and siblings.
And to tell the truth, if I try to imagine a
little of how it will be in heaven, it always seems to me like
the time of my youth, of my childhood. Thus, in this context of
trust, of joy, and of love, we were happy, and I think that in
heaven it must be similar to what it was like in my youth. In
this sense I hope to go "home," in going to "the other part of
the world."
Q:
Your Holiness, we are Fara and Serge, and we come from
Madagascar.The family models that dominate the West do not
convince us, but we are aware that many traditional ways of our
Africa must in some manner be overcome. [...] We want to get
married and build a future together. We also want every aspect
of our life to be guided by the values of the Gospel. But
speaking of marriage, Your Holiness, there is one word that more
than any other attracts us and at the same time frightens us:
"forever"...
A: Dear
friends, thank you for this testimony. My prayer accompanies you
in this journey of engagement, and I hope that you can create,
with the values of the Gospel, a family "forever." You made
reference to different kinds of marriage: we know the "mariage
coutumier" of Africa, and Western marriage. In Europe as well,
to tell the truth, until the nineteenth century there was as now
another dominant model of marriage: often marriage was in
reality a contract between clans, in which there was an effort
to preserve the clan, to open the future, to defend property,
etcetera. The one was sought for the other on the part of the
clan, hoping that the one would be suited to the other. It was
this way in part in our towns as well. I remember that in a
small town, in which I went to school, it was still this way in
large part.
But then,
beginning in the nineteenth century, there followed the
emancipation of the individual, the freedom of the person, and
marriage was no longer based on the will of others, but on one's
own decision. First comes falling in love, then engagement, and
then marriage. At that time, we were all convinced that this was
the only correct model, and that love in and of itself would
guarantee the "forever," because love is absolute, it wants all
and therefore also the totality of time: it is "forever."
Unfortunately, reality is not like that: it can
be seen that falling in love is beautiful, but perhaps not
always perpetual, just as is sentiment: it does not remain
forever. Therefore, it can be seen that the passage from falling
in love to engagement and then to marriage demands different
decisions, interior experiences. As I have said, this sentiment
of love is beautiful, but it must be purified, it must become
part of a journey of discernment, which means that reason and
will must also enter in; there must be a union of reason,
sentiment, and will.
In
the rite of marriage, the Church does not say: "Are you in
love?" but "Do you want?" "Are you determined?" That is: falling
in love must become true love by involving the will in a
journey, which is that of engagement, of purification, of
greater profundity, such that really the whole man, with all of
his capacities, with the discernment of reason, the power of
will, says: "Yes, this is my life."
I often think of the wedding of Cana. The first
wine is wonderful: it is being in love. But it does not last to
the end: a second wine must come, it must ferment and grow,
mature. A definitive love that really becomes "second wine: is
more wonderful, better than the first wine. And we must seek
this.
And here it is
also important that the I not be isolated, the I and the you,
but that the parish community also be involved, the Church,
friends. This, all just personalization, the communion of life
with others, with families that support each other, is very
important, and only in this way, in this involvement of the
community, of friends, of the Church, of the faith, of God
himself, does a wine grow that endures forever. Best wishes to
you!
Q: Your
Holiness, as in the rest of the world, in our Brazil as well the
failures of marriage continue to increase. My name is Maria
Marta, he is Manoel Angelo.We have been married for 34 years and
are already grandparents. As physician and family
psychotherapist we meet so many families, noting in the
conflicts of couples a more distinct difficulty in forgiving and
accepting forgiveness, but in different cases we have
encountered the desire and will to construct a new union,
something lasting, including for the children who are born from
the new union. Some of these remarried couples would like to
approach the Church again, but when they are denied the
sacraments their disappointment is great. They feel excluded,
marked by a decision without appeal. These great sufferings
wound deeply those who are involved; lacerations that also
become part of the world, and are also our wounds, and of all
humanity. Holy Father, we know that these situations and these
persons are very close to the Church's heart: what words and
what signs of hope can we give them?
A: Dear friends, thank you for your work of
psychotherapy for families, which is very necessary. Thank you
for all that you do to help these suffering persons. In reality,
this problem of the divorced and remarried is one of the the
great sufferings of the Church of today. And we do not have
simple recipes. The suffering is great, and we can only help the
parishes and individuals to help these persons to endure the
suffering of this divorce.
I would say that prevention, of course, is very
important, which means deepening the sense of being in love
right from the beginning into a profound, mature decision;
moreover, accompaniment during marriage, so that families are
never alone but are really accompanied on their journey.
And then, as for these persons, we must say - as
you have said - that the Church loves them, but they must see
and feel this love. It seems to me a great task for a parish,
for a Catholic community, to make it really possible for them to
feel that they are loved and accepted, that they are not
"outside" even if they cannot receive absolution and the
Eucharist: they must see that even in this way they live fully
in the Church.
Perhaps,
if absolution in the confessional is not possible, nonetheless a
permanent contact with a priest, with a guide of the soul, is
very important so that they may see that they are accompanied,
guided.
Then it is also
very important that they feel that the Eucharist is true and
participated in if they really enter into communion with the
body of Christ. Even without the "corporal" reception of the
sacrament, we can be spiritually united with Christ in his body.
And making this understood is important. That
they really find the possibility of living a life of faith, with
the Word of God, with the communion of the Church, and may see
that their suffering is a gift for the Church, because in this
way they also serve everyone in defending the stability of love,
of marriage; and that this suffering is not only a physical and
psychological torment, but is also suffering in the community of
the Church for the great values of our faith. I think that their
suffering, if it is really accepted internally, is a gift for
the Church. They must know that precisely in this way they are
serving the Church, they are in the heart of the Church. Thank
you for your commitment.
